5 Minutes, African Time

Almost nowhere in Africa are 5 minutes actually 5 minutes. That is not to say that I have spent too many years in Germany - I'm still not the sort of guy who's always punctual. But here, if someone promises he'll "meet you in 5 minutes", it can easily turn out to be 2 hours without so much as an sms. Punctuality really is nothing more than an abstract idea.

Because really, what is the rush?
They would say, baffling you.

One African proverb (I can't seem to retrieve) makes the point that time is endless and therefore infinite, suggesting that there is no need to hurry and you should take it easy because there will always be time. In stark contrast: The Chinese remind themselves every day that "time = gold, money". Especially when it comes to business.

Another phrase you get rather tired of hearing is, "J'arrive, j'arrive." It could mean anything from "I'm almost there" to "I'm coming" to "I'll be on my way" to "I'll probably try to come later". Hell, sometimes my colleague even says those words as he's leaving(!), to get the message across that he will be back, which of course you can't be sure of until he actually shows.

It's normal to have to wait for everything, for a longer time than you planned, even if you took into account that it could take much longer than you've been promised. And this is true especially when you have to deal with government departments, which you will inevitably. That is where nonexistent punctuality meets infuriating bureaucracy meets heartbreaking corruption ratings to make your life very, very miserable.

That is, if you're a foreigner and new to this place because you will learn a little from the locals who always stay so cool, no matter what happens or how long they have to wait for something. Their level of coolness is just phenomenal and it helps explain their easy manner and why they rarely lose their composure. We once brought along Nicole, our funny, proud and constantly well-dressed maid, along with us to a fancy restaurant for a meal and.. well, it was a very enjoyable dinner and there was nothing more to it, no awkwardness. I mean, you guys go take your ayi with you to Grand Hyatt for dinner and see how that goes.

It is with similar coolness that they wait in traffic for roadblocks to be cleared when The President Himself(!!) comes out of his fortified palace that is on top of a mountain and surrounded by barracks and wishes to go somewhere, as a result of which all good roads are blocked for half a day and people arrive late for work, hours after the time at which they normally arrive late for work.