Duty Not Free!

Evil Customs, Part 1.

You're moving to a Third World country where there is nothing. So, in addition to clothes, you have stuffed a number of new unread books, your best cooking pan, a big bottle of oyster sauce, a lot of bread spread and other goodies into your luggage. Actually, it's completely unimportant what is in your luggage. What matters is your white skin color. It is what instantly makes you a big, fat piece of pork meat, which everybody wants to get a slice of. Especially Customs.

After the plane landed in Yaounde Nsimalen, I was surprised to see so many people in what must be a restricted area around the airport luggage carousel (one that turned counterclockwise, I believe). There were much less passengers from the flight than these non-passengers who had no business being there but apparently were given the privilege to go in. Some of the airport staff also had no business being there but they were there, too, to earn some extra income. One promised me a safe passage through Customs for 25$. Without the help of someone like him, Customs would make me pay no less than 50$, he told me. I had nothing to declare, but he insisted they would find a way, regardless of what was in my luggage. I believed him, yet gave him an irritated "Don't you see I'm Asian? Try Western tourists..." look and with my luggage, I headed towards the exit where Customs officials were eagerly awaiting the people they could chop at. In Chinese, you don't rip people off - you chop at them. Of course, I had to open my suitcase and when my old, worn down and cheapest of HP laser printers appeared, they must have secretly thought, "There we go!" before they pointed to a direction in which I was meant to go in order to pay duty. Outside the Customs office were most of the foreigners I remembered from the flight, all with their suitcases open for a closer inspection. Then, the 25$ guy came out of nowhere, whispered something in my ear and pushed my cart towards the exit again, where the Customs officials were occupied this time and didn't spot me. Either the 25$ guy intended to compete with and be cheaper than Customs or they actually collaborated, it's just impossible to say. I never actually asked for any help and with nothing to declare, being told to pay anything was absurd, not to mention 25$. After some playful arguing, my soon-to-be coworker handed him 5$, which may well be about 50% of extra income for the day for him. Neither was this stunt of his allowed, nor was he happy with the 5$, which as a tip is respectable even in the West. He belongs to the group of people a friend of mine labels "the miserable poor".

But it’s true - Customs are evil. Yes, not everywhere in the world are they very corrupt, and their purpose may be to protect a country’s economy; but in the case of Cameroon, it is corrupt to the power of ten, there is little about the economy that it protects and since the country produces so little and relies on virtually all sorts of imports to even live, artificially high import tariffs only have a crippling effect on the economy. Correct me if I’m wrong, you economists out there. Namely you, Danial, start commenting here, show me some love. In a country that produces no green tea (it could and it should), we’re importing Chinese green tea to supply the people in the North who traditionally drink nothing but green tea. This is low-end stuff for extremely low-income people, and of what they pay, only about 30% is for the tea and for us. The rest is for transport, which includes fees paid to the leeches, oh I mean policemen, who demand money at every one of the countless roadblocks that mark the 1000+ km cross-country path from port to polygamist; and for taxes, lots and lots of it, which is primarily spent on excess office supplies and fancy cars for the president and his ministers, but also on parties and the soft, luxe, European-made toilet paper that they use at home.


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About Terrorists and Machetes

All in one day.
To find out the Bangkok Airport has been occupied by demonstrators and be relieved that a sister, and also an aunt, had left Thailand already and avoided an inconvenient if not volatile situation. To hear from my coworker that he has just lost a brother, an American-educated veterinarian who died as a result of having diabetes. (Would that have happened if he stayed in the U.S. instead of coming back at their father's request, I wonder.) To go online and find out a friend is in Mumbai and fine, but that one friend of hers got injured and several of them were among the kidnapped and later let go. And earlier in the day, you could see from our balcony a couple of construction workers chasing their boss with machetes. All made me think: Life is precious, and pretty fragile, after all.

Good timing is helpful and luck never hurts, but the boss escaped death because he ran fast enough and because of two nearby policemen. In this neighborhood, there are, almost always, policemen within running + shouting range. So, the chase ended there, faster than in movies. The handling of the situation then was rather.. different: No arrests were made.

This was practically in our backyard, which, with all the vegetation around and undeveloped area, resembles the mountainous countryside more than the heart of a capital city. Apart from the other construction workers (the ones who didn't pick up their machetes), we on our balcony were the only spectators. The policemen told the boss to leave after a brief conversation with him. Then the policemen stood there, calm and relaxed, to let one furious man after another describe at full length the injustice they are subjected to, working for this boss.

Capitalism in its purest, fucked-up form. It's not unusual here for a construction site manager or boss to hire workers to do a job and not pay them for it. Unable to sue or do anything, most just stop working and leave when they've had enough. Because the unemployment rate is sky-high, maybe the boss continues this practice for some time, and maybe the workers who'd barely be making enough to feed their families go on to be exploited by another such boss or two. Or more. That's why policemen who stop them before any physical harm has been done show sympathy, tell them not to lose their cool, and then act like nobody just tried to commit murder. Fortunes are made developing real estate, so a boss who even denies his construction workers the 3$ a day probably deserves to see some machetes, but what do I know. This is why in the West, they have labour law und labour unions with leverage* - so there's no need for blood to be spilt.

On a personal level, there was nothing for me to be overly dramatic about. It only feels like things were matters of life and death today, more literally so than they normally are.



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* West 2 - 2 East

5 Minutes, African Time

Almost nowhere in Africa are 5 minutes actually 5 minutes. That is not to say that I have spent too many years in Germany - I'm still not the sort of guy who's always punctual. But here, if someone promises he'll "meet you in 5 minutes", it can easily turn out to be 2 hours without so much as an sms. Punctuality really is nothing more than an abstract idea.

Because really, what is the rush?
They would say, baffling you.

One African proverb (I can't seem to retrieve) makes the point that time is endless and therefore infinite, suggesting that there is no need to hurry and you should take it easy because there will always be time. In stark contrast: The Chinese remind themselves every day that "time = gold, money". Especially when it comes to business.

Another phrase you get rather tired of hearing is, "J'arrive, j'arrive." It could mean anything from "I'm almost there" to "I'm coming" to "I'll be on my way" to "I'll probably try to come later". Hell, sometimes my colleague even says those words as he's leaving(!), to get the message across that he will be back, which of course you can't be sure of until he actually shows.

It's normal to have to wait for everything, for a longer time than you planned, even if you took into account that it could take much longer than you've been promised. And this is true especially when you have to deal with government departments, which you will inevitably. That is where nonexistent punctuality meets infuriating bureaucracy meets heartbreaking corruption ratings to make your life very, very miserable.

That is, if you're a foreigner and new to this place because you will learn a little from the locals who always stay so cool, no matter what happens or how long they have to wait for something. Their level of coolness is just phenomenal and it helps explain their easy manner and why they rarely lose their composure. We once brought along Nicole, our funny, proud and constantly well-dressed maid, along with us to a fancy restaurant for a meal and.. well, it was a very enjoyable dinner and there was nothing more to it, no awkwardness. I mean, you guys go take your ayi with you to Grand Hyatt for dinner and see how that goes.

It is with similar coolness that they wait in traffic for roadblocks to be cleared when The President Himself(!!) comes out of his fortified palace that is on top of a mountain and surrounded by barracks and wishes to go somewhere, as a result of which all good roads are blocked for half a day and people arrive late for work, hours after the time at which they normally arrive late for work.

Obamamania in Africa

Today's a good day.

Finally, a smart and apparently sensible person is voted into the White House to replace the putz. In 2000 and 2004, I was close to vomiting blood. This time around, I followed CNN not in disgust but happily and with approval. John McCain deserves respect for being a good loser and honestly wanting the best for everyone. Barack Obama has to stay cool and resolute to bring about the change that he has promised. It's not gonna be easy and he needs to make a lot, a lot of people happy, given such enthusiasm and high hopes in not only the U.S., but in much of the world.

All the news channels keep telling you what a big deal this is in Kenya but he is celebrated not only in Kenya. At 7am this morning, our maid Nicole came in cheering and jumping - and this is Cameroon. Cameroon has little to do with Kenya and, in fact, Nicole does not know much about Obama at all, except that he is black ("biracial = still black").

I get the impression that throughout Africa, people take much pride in the simple fact that mighty America will be led by a black President. And that is really alright and understandable, especially considering the oppression and hardships they have endured as a result of their skin color.

Business-Savvy That Borders Suicidal

For references to Liberia, you can watch “Lord of War” and “Blood Diamond” again :)

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There is a Chinese restaurant in Monrovia, Liberia, that is way overpriced but wildly popular, not least because there is little competition. The UN Peacekeeping Force was a regular guest, and Hu Jin Tao dined there during his state visit. The owner of this restaurant is very kind and most helpful to all his compatriots who come to Monrovia, but he is also as lebensmüde as he is business-savvy. His is the incredible story of a Chinese man who made his home in Liberia, a country so conflict-ridden that Cameroon, relatively speaking, is more like a Canada; only in Canada's case, it is the Francophones who dream of independence from the Anglophones.

As a foreigner, running your restaurant where a UN Peacekeeping Force is stationed probably means you should have evacuated long before they even decided to come. But some people don't mind danger. Liberia isn't the safest place today; however, violence there was especially bloody and psycho until the last civil war ended in 2003. Soldiers had worn Mickey Mouse masks playing 'guess the sex' of unborn babies before cutting their mothers open to see, and road blocks came with stretched human intestines to indicate that robbing would take place and that it was advisable to put up no resistance.

Yet even under such horrifying circumstances was the restaurant's owner able to set up shop. In fact, his entrepreneurial skills extend beyond the restaurant business. Originally, he came to Liberia as a medical aid worker on a mission that was part of a government program. When the situation got out of hand and rebels closed in on Monrovia, the capital city, even the embassies evacuated. But he decided to stay. From that point onward, he as a businessman would rely on his sneakiness and luck to survive.

He managed to hide and stay away from the constant fighting. And to avoid being robbed, he claimed to be guarding embassy property on behalf of the Chinese government. As luck would have it, heavily armed rebels understood the political implications, and chose to move on. Construction machinery left behind by the embassy no longer had a rightful owner and were now his. These he cleverly hid in a barn in the countryside, only to make full use of them when fighting stopped and peacekeeping troops provided a minimum level of security and stability again.

Civil war resulted in the destruction or disappearance of virtually everything that was valuable. By this time, much of the country needed to be rebuilt and the Chinese Man was 'the guy' with the equipment required for big construction jobs. On one occasion, a ship had sunk just off the coast, and only with his rentable crane and some improvising were people able to retrieve the ship.

So he prospered and began selling rice and other commodities, as well, to Liberians and foreign peacekeeping troops alike, making fortunes in a country where for decades, the people lived a nightmare and did little but fight or fear for their lives. TIA!
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• Some details excerpted from Robert Guest's "The Shackled Continent", a provocative and disturbingly wonderful book on Africa.
• Charles Taylor, the ruthless warlord who last controlled and raped Liberia, is now on trial in the Hague.
• AC Milan footballing legend George Weah lost the 2005 general election to a Harvard-graduated former Citibank and World Bank economist who has since governed the country with more dignity.

Liberia is one of only two countries that began as a colony with the sole purpose of accommodating (unwelcome) former slaves. They would rule over the 95% majority of local inhabitants after Liberia was abandoned and quickly declared independent when it became a financial burden to the U.S. The only other such country is neighboring Sierra Leone, formerly Freetown, a British Crown Colony.

Brother, Come Let Me Introduce You to My (Extended) Family

Of course, he did not actually make that suggestion.. It would take longer than a week.

Bo. works and lives here in Yaounde. But back in his hometown, his neighbors are the 500+ members of his father's side of the family. A couple of streets further lives his mother's side of the family, a community of some 700+ relatives. So apart from being my friend, I have a good reason not to get into a fight with him.

Typical of non-Western societies, distant relatives here remain very close. Truly, family comes first. Man first took care of his family and his family of him, long before modern society created a system he could rely on and thrive in. It only makes sense that family ties are especially strong in an underdeveloped country where the unemployment rate is astronomical (40-50% now, maybe) and countless people live in poverty. A social welfare system seems more like a fantasy than a realistic goal.

Cameroon's population has doubled in the past 20 years and overpopulation will continue to make life difficult for the average citizen. Personally, I find it harder now to bluntly say they only have themselves to blame. It would be implying to neighbors, colleagues and other people I have grown to like that the very existence of their many, dearly loved siblings and kids are for the greater bad, that this is a disaster in the making. Sometimes, when looking at the big picture, you think you know what's right and wrong - but once you take a closer look or things get personal, you and your rationale are easily overwhelmed. The consequences are ruinous but gradual and broad so that the individual hardly sees them until it's late. And until that tipping point is reached and the individual recognizes that choosing to have 5 to 10 kids contributes to a vast and growing problem, it will be the most wonderful thing in the world to be part of a big family and have as many little ones as he/she can raise comfortably. Maybe it's one of those things that can't be left to the individual, and requires governments or other organizations to take action. But at most, population control is enforced at country level. Will population growth ever be addressed as a global issue before it's too late? Though fundamental, it is too wide-ranging and divisive an issue for the world to reach a consensus and start a cooperative effort to limit fertility rates, isn't it? But must the human race not try to control world population growth for its own good? It touches on economic, environmental, religious, ethical and political issues. Should certain countries not be allowed to catch up a little? China and India dominate the world in numbers.. 37% is enough to win a general election in some places. Is it even a big deal, will wars and diseases not serve as a counterbalance? Will our carrying capacity increase indefinitely? Are we not refraining from effectively preventing more tragic deaths that are the result of famines and a shortage of clean water, especially in Africa? Am I being ridiculous, drifting off to asking such questions?

This is weird, but give it up for the West, where they stopped having legions of babies first.*

I don't know if the size of Bo.'s extended family is the norm or if it is unusually big. Hearing about it not only got me thinking about how very busy everyone must be, but also reflecting on how family members grow estranged more easily in a modern, globalized world. Cultural traditions, regular reunions and the tireless diplomats within families can hardly negate the effects that increased mobility and financial independence for individuals has on family ties. Friends begin to play a bigger role in everyday life, family a smaller one. In Eastern societies, this trend isn't as apparent as it is in the West yet. But even if the central role of the family is rooted in mainstreamed Chinese philosophy, it may just be a matter of time. Then again, I might be overly pessimistic on this one; bitter, from witnessing firsthand how family members drift apart.

Meanwhile, it is worth noting how popular the term "brother" really is among blacks. In Bo.'s case, it makes things much more convenient. There are so many brothers, half-brothers, and cousins around all the time that it's easier to just call everyone brother. They take it to the next level by calling all their friends and acquaintances brothers as well, along with every one of their 同乡, people from the same town or region, who are likely third or fourth or fifth cousins. It becomes entirely impossible to tell what is their relation when someone says he "has a brother who could help out". At the same time, this indicates how many connections a person typically has, which are crucial here to survival and getting anything done.

Actually introducing someone to my family wouldn't take quite as long, it only involves an awful lot of traveling. But there's fun in that, too.



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* West 1 - 2 East

Barka Da Sallah !

Fasting is meant to teach a person patience, sacrifice and humility. I didn't fast and I haven't learnt any of those things, but I sure joined in on the feast afterward!

The Islamic holiday of Eid ul-Fitr marks the end of the fasting period that is Ramadan. This was celebrated around the world today by Muslims and non-Muslims alike, as I have learnt. There is a city further north, Ngaoundere, that holds an especially colorful festival to mark the occasion. But mostly, family and friends visit one another after the morning communal prayers, sit and lie on the big carpet to chat and enjoy the feast and company. My very hospitable Muslim colleagues invited agnostic me along with our Catholic maid Nicole, her little one and her boyfriend, and we paid visit to the two households. What a thoroughly enjoyable day with plenty of food, cultural exchange and laughter. They were surprised and delighted that I ate every type of food that was prepared. I love food too much to not give everything a try.

Also, it is only the right thing to do as a guest unless you're honestly allergic to something. Nicole later told me she once invited to her home a friend who brought along a French guy, and she had made a lot of food. Consider the fact that people have little money, then spend most of it buying food and preparing something special to welcome guests for a nice evening. Not like they even eat very funny things in this part of Cameroon; don't the French eat all kinds of stuff, anyway? In any case, he had an arrogant attitude and stuck to a bottle of water. On someone who has little contact with foreigners, he has thereby effectively left a bad, lasting impression. On behalf of THE WEST! For the lose!
West 0 - 2 East. Let's keep score.

Africa, not paradoxically, is where West meets East. I'm not referring to the Cold War, nor am I talking about economic influence; and by 'East', I actually mean the Middle East. Christianity and Islam have long taken over Africa. For the most part, missionaries triumphed over existing beliefs. Whether or not that's so wonderful is open to debate. But before anyone shouts, "It's not very hard! The poor convert more easily" and starts listing the drawbacks, there is one (dis)advantage I'd like to point out: more holidays.

It's good to be diplomatic, so it's good to be agnostic. An atheist, on the other hand, is sure that all religions are wrong. An atheist may also think the world would be much better off if there were no religions at all. And that's just too.. provocative. Because an agnostic can say, "I’m not sure, I don't know. Maybe I need some time and convincing." That way, you can make no enemies, religion-wise. Only friends. Indigenous beliefs continue to exist in Cameroon, but the Christian community is very big. The Muslim one: not small, either. Today being Eid ul-Fitr was a major holiday and no one went to work or school. The country was similarly unproductive on Assumption Day. Nicole is already looking forward to hosting Christmas Dinner. Living here, I will be celebrating Jesus as much as Muhammad. Now, if that isn't diplomatic!



Liang, I have a question: Do you hug trees? I'm asking for a friend, a girl, who is neopagan, likes environmental science, and hugs trees

Ahh, a White Man

There is an African proverb that goes, "On his first day, the stranger should open only his eyes and ears, but not his mouth." Because when you find yourself in unknown territory, it is wise to first "look and listen", something our ninth grade history teacher told us to do whenever some imbecile was too loud again and interrupted class. Back then I thought always repeating that simple but annoying phrase should effectively make kids shut up but no, not really. People will always act smart because they think they are. And that, I assume, is something about many foreigners that Africans don't like very much.

My Cameroon pocket guide begins with citing that proverb. I thought it was not too bad, and I therefore tried to put away any preconceptions I had and absorb everything like a sponge. One is bound to be labeled as ignorant if he starts out thinking of all the people here as being the same -they clearly distinguish between people of different tribes-, but with the right attitude, he will enjoy the personable people that most Cameroonians are. Of course it isn't until you travel the remote countryside and ask a local chief for permission to spend the night in their village that it becomes really special. But getting settled in the political capital where so few foreigners come (as opposed to coastal Douala, the country's financial and industrial center) has also been interesting so far. As the country's second largest city it attracts Cameroonians from all provinces and it is the first time I see so many churches and mosques together in one place. I may have my opinion on religion but it is good to see that over here, Christians and Muslims peacefully live side by side and have better things to worry about than looking at each other with suspicion. Better things like food, Samuel Eto'o (football player), taking their kids to school, killing mosquitoes.

Or more reliable electricity and faster internet, in my case. What's new to me but typical of poor countries is that bad infrastructure severely limits your mobility and productivity. I used to think that Italy and, to a lesser extent, England have bad roads but coming here really puts things into perspective. For businesses that can be devastating of course, but foreigners don't all come here to do business. Diplomats don't suffer much from bad infrastructure; some NGOs okay, especially during crises; but tourists no, since the ones who come here probably all have too much time, and the reason why tourists go anywhere is to be away from home. Because at home, things are (too) familiar.

A few days ago, my colleague invited me to his place, to meet his wife and little kids. He told me it would be exciting since they had never seen a white guy before. It must have been the equivalent of the average family man in China returning home with a black man to show to his 5-Year-Old. Their first reaction was priceless: "Ahh! What's wrong with that.. person?!" There are business meetings that my colleague goes to without me so as not to draw too much attention with my white skin. Man..

But in South Africa, the Chinese living there have just recently been officially added to the category of "Blacks". In an attempt to compensate for the harm done to the black community during Apartheid, the government now favors blacks over whites in many things that it controls (messed up). I THINK it was decided it would be wrong to disfavor Chinese along with "Whites" in this context; anyhow, as a result, in South Africa we are now regarded by law as "Blacks". That must be good news for the Chinese entrepreneurs there.*

So, Africans apparently don't recognize yellow as a skin color and I have thus found myself an identity crisis I never knew existed: an ethnic Chinese wondering if he's black or white!



On a side note, that English version of the proverb is at least the translation of a translation and representative of the contents of this blog which aren't double-checked for accuracy, mostly because I'm not a reliable investigative journalist (I'm not a journalist) but also because internet here in Cameroon is just depressingly slow.
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* West 0 - 1 East

Guestbook

L'Afrique en miniature - 'Little Africa'

That is the nickname of Cameroon, my new home in the heart of Africa.

miniature because in many aspects, this country can serve as a portrayal of the African continent. From the Pygmy hunter-gatherers of the rain forests in the south, to the nomadic tribesmen of the dry savannas in the north; from the city dwellers in coastal regions with normal and volcanic (black) sand beaches, to the herders in the mountainous regions where, given the mild climate, you may just forget you're still in Africa. More than 280 ethnic and linguistic groups.. There is so much cultural and natural diversity. I look forward to the days the more adventurous of you come here, so we can explore this un-touristy land together. Just recently, I have started to drink palm wine. It takes a lot of getting used to, but you really don't know a place until you have eaten local food and tried their beverages, do you?

Onto more serious subjects after this introductory post. Because this being Africa, there will also be a lot of sad/shocking/dramatic things to write about and discuss. I will try my best not to be a hypocrite or overly cynical. That should be doable because in a place so underdeveloped and poor, I am greeted with warmth and treated with kindness everywhere I go, while rarely spotting any jealousy or bitterness. People do enjoy life a lot and people do find happiness since it does not require a Starbucks around every corner and it does not only derive from the GDP. It seemed remarkable at first. On second thought, I'm just glad that is the case. Making this observation will prompt you to look at many things differently.



P.S. This blog is in response to one person demanding it, and another person accusing me of being secretive and other awful things.

Please leave comments, anonymous or not. They will motivate me to continue. (Else it would seem this is only a place devoted to self-absorption, and that's not the plan:)